How Dating a Sociopath Changed My Life…For The Better. Surprised? I Sure Am.

. 

How Dating a Sociopath Changed My Life…For The Better.  Surprised?  I Sure Am.

Unlike the song Call Me Maybe, also changed my life, but not necessarily for the better…

People always wonder why I have such a fascination (bordering on obsession) with sociopaths.  They’re like strange creatures you see in the zoo and wonder, where in world did they COME from?  And why?  Well, allow me to enlighten you on my borderline obsession with the nature of sociopaths.  I dated one.  And, given my persistent nature, I tried, and tried, and tried, over and over again to figure him the F out.  For a long time.  Too long probably but who am I to judge?  Gave it the old college try and sought to understand what in the world made him tick.  Tick tock, tick tock, the clock went on and on.

The problem with that scenario (here we go yo) was I believed I was in control of the situation, when in fact, I was not.  Nope, not in control whatsoever because these people are master manipulators (not master baters people get your minds outta the gutter) They manipulate people like it’s their JOBS.  And me?  Well, I like to think I can play that game but in reality, manipulation is not my cup of tea.  Way too direct and up front for that.  So the more and more I tried to figure this sociopath out, the more and more manipulated I became.

So manipulated, in fact that the point of no return was ALMOST reached where I started to question whether it was, in fact, him, or me.  (Fact check required, absolutely) Here I was, thinking all the time that HE was the problem, while at the same time, he launched an almost successful campaign to steal my soul (and a WHOLE lot else too, but we don’t have to go there).  His campaign was this: no matter what I did, I was not successful enough, smart enough, polite enough, well behaved enough, pretty enough to succeed in life…without HIM.  Very tricky indeed.  Oh, and by the way, I apparently had all these problems that I needed to get help for,  in fact, was ordered to get help for, or he would leave me.  HA!  Laughable now, considering I was the one with a steady job, stable career, college degree, tons of friends, fab apartment and could afford to do things I like to do (which he tried his damndest to take away, mind you…jealousy is a bad habit that sociopaths cannot break).

And so the story goes, I was nearly convinced that I needed to quit my job, move to another city to move in with HIM, lose my “loser” friends, ditch my family (cause they weren’t good enough either, according to you know who) and abandon my hopes, dreams and life to dedicate to a life of misery and sadness.  Like, sounds great, right?  Wrong

I can only thank my lucky stars that a dear friend had just gone through nearly the SAME exact thing with a girl he had broken up with recently.  He nearly lost it too, researched the shit out of these people and provided the words of wisdom I needed at just the right time.  Which were “Dani, what the fuck are you doing?  You’re TOO good for this and dude is insane.  RUN, don’t walk from this guy.”  Which took a while to do, let me tell you.  Other words of wisdom that helped included: “Dani, it’s not you, it’s him.  Crazy people are fun, but that’s about it.  Crazy people can’t keep steady jobs.  You can.” Check.  “Crazy people don’t have real friends.  They use people.  Friends are viewed as people to be used for what they need at the time.”  Right.  Check.  “Nothing you can ever do will change this guy, he will be this way for the rest of his life.  He sees nothing wrong with the way he is and that’s that.”  Right again.  Check, check.  “Don’t let him destroy you.  Cause he’s gonna try real hard.”  Right again.  Check check check. (shouts out to Philly friend u got it goin' on!  Friends from Philly ROCK)

And he did.  (Tried at least) Try to leave a person like that and they’ll pull out all the stops.  Every trick in the book.  Self esteem?  They eat that for breakfast.  They know what’s right and YOUR opinion?  Does. Not. Matter. One. Bit.  They beat it into you that you’re not anywhere near as good as them, you have issues that you can’t resolve on your own and you NEED them to SURVIVE.

Whelp, guess what?  We don’t.  As a matter of fact, we need them like we need a HOLE in the head.  Feel like being used for everything from money to sex?  Feel like losing your self esteem and any hope for the future?  Feel like being walked all over, getting in knock down drag out fights, literally beaten up (mentally, and potentially physically tho not in my case) Feel like always looking like the asshole when you lash back at them in front of their friends, who have no clue what a psycho this person is or what they’ve been doing to you?  Then by all means, date a sociopath.  But I don’t recommend it.  

Anywhoo, you might be wondering how this led me to a better place altogether.  Well, by dating a sociopath, having someone pick out every single flaw, every single problem and imperfection that you might have, only leads one to examine these things, themselves, their very SOUL and analyze what, in fact matters, and what don’t.  You don’t almost lose your will to live without examining what lead you down that path and how you’re going to come back (hint: with a little help from you friends).  Soul searching central ensued, and guess what?  I was not a religious person before, but now am.  Surprised?  I am.  Not any one in particular, but the religion of love.  Because that, my friends, is one thing these soulless creatures lack.  Love.  It makes the world go round and truly does conquer all.  It always prospers and never dies. 

Those who lack it, may be jealous, may try to take it from you, but as a matter of fact, it’s impossible to steal.  They may steal other things all day long, but love is one thing that cannot be taken from anyone.  Ever.  Love has no boundaries and cannot be caught with a butterfly net or anything else.  You have it.  I have it.  They do not.  So, in that way, we love and therefore win.  And I like winning. 

Got love?  You’re a winner winner chicken dinner.  Lucky in love is my new religion and I love it.  You can too, you winner you.  So let’s all win together and love each other, ourselves, the universe at large and put these s-paths out of business.  Before they put you out of business, which they might.  (Cause that’s their favorite hobby FYI)  Fight like your life depended on it, cause it very well might.

Lucky in LOVE, with ANYTHING really. (the Flyers?  Possibly. Woo!)  So, fly high, Lovers.  Flyers.  Fighters.  And love it UP.  Love, it’s what’s for dinner.

I got tha love.  Do you?  Get it here.  With Jerry.  He loves you.  I do too. J

  Philly's full of LOVE.  

And, No, Our love will not fade away.

  Not fade away.

Not fade away...

Cause isn't love all we need?  The Beatles thought so.  I do too.  Woo!