Dear Steve Jobs, Your Lordeth Hath a Simple FRIEND Request on Facebook. Learn the ART OF SHAVING.

Learn the Art of Shaving for the love of God, er me.  Your goatee scratches my face.  And you look like a loser.  A little maintenance Steve.  Goes a LONG way (towards eternal redemption)

Dear Steve Jobs,

Thou hath pleased your Lordeth greatly with the return of His iPAD4.  The stunning retinal display has done MIRACLES for your Lordeth's picture taking abilities.  For that I am ETERNALLY grateful.

However, Steve, come the F on already and shave that goddamn - er ME Damn goatee already for the love of GOD - Er ME.  You look like an idiot and folks around heaven  - er Steve Jobs' empire in the sky- are talking (and no, they are NOT saying good things)  So Steve, come the f on you're making your creator LOOK BAD.  And when I LOOK BAD, YOU LOOK BAD (because I created you.  Duh.  I just spray painted your stupid goatee orange.  How you like me NOW?  Note: YOU HAVE TO LIKE ME I AM THE LORD)  So do us all a favor here and shave that thing off yo face, you big disgrace.  (Your Lordeth is now a rapper.  LIKE IT?  YOU HAVE TO.  As I am your LORD and Savior).  Got that Steve?  Here's another one: You're trying my patience, with your lack of MAINTENANCE.  Like it?  (Hint: YOU MUST)  

PS.  Are you going to accept my friend request on Facebook already?  What the shit?  It's been three mo fo weeks!  Your Lordeth has a facebook account now and you HAVE TO ACCEPT HIS FRIEND REQUEST (otherwise you're going straight to hell and you won't like it there...it's too hot).  Steve, you do this to TAUNT your lordeth and HE DOES NOT LIKE TO BE TAUNTED.  Don't mess with me man, Fo Shizzle my nizzle (Snoop Dogg style is my new style BTW)  Like it?  Remember: YOU HAVE TO.

PPS. Don't JUDGE me either.  I'm the one who gets to do the judging around here.  ON JUDGEMENT DAY (rapidly approaching FYI).  And YOU do not.  Because I am the Lord and I said so.  All's fair in love and war, and Steve, War is rapidly approaching if you do not accept my mo fo friend request on Facebook or if you even think of judging me (I CAN READ YOUR THOUGHTS DUMBASS I'm omniscient).  

Like it?  Yes?  Right answer.  YOU MUST.