A Simple Request: Occupy Your Irresponsibility. And Outsource Responsible Behavior to Someone More Responsible.

Occupy Your Irresponsibility.  And Outsource Responsible Behavior to Someone More Responsible. 

Cause we may as well face facts here.  We suck at acting responsibly.  And SOMEONE’S gotta do our laundry, house cleaning and grocery shopping while we’re brunching all afternoon on Sunday Fundays.  Just saying…Cause after all “What we are, are victims of fun…” Paul Oakenfold agrees.  

Welcome to your weekly update on the Occupy My Blog Movement on the MOVE. Moving on and on, to greener pastures and higher social status (Facebook status?) in the form of flesh eating Zombies (it’s in season people…see Florida and Maryland cannibalism for more details).  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my fellow occupying Zombies for an occupation WELL DONE.  Together, we are changing the musical, hysterical, CANNIBAL, theoretical, physical and lyrical landscape as we know it.  And for that, we should be proud (young cannibals).  So give yourself a round of applause (not applesauce) for occupying my blog (and yourselves) so nicely.  You are making ALL the difference in this very important social movement.

However, I DO have one more simple request…to kick it up a notch in our collective Occupations: to Occupy Your Sense of Irresponsibility.  And outsource responsible behavior to someone more responsible.  Cause let’s face it.  We suck at acting responsibly.  May as well stick to what we’re good at (brunching morning, noon and night and twice on Sundays) and leave the responsible, adult behavior to someone capable of handling grown up responsibilities (your Mom?).  Cause your apartment is looking pretty rank these days.  Just saying. 

  

Yes, my fellow occupiers, I’d like you to answer this question honestly: when was the last time you vacuumed your floors or cleaned the bathtub?  Well?  Two weeks ago?  A month ago?  Can’t remember it’s been so long?  Yep, that’s what I thought.  And when WAS the last time you did laundry?  Have you resorted to BUYING new socks and underwear as opposed to actually taking the time to throw in a load and clean the PILES of clothes now occupying your bedroom, living room, kitchen and bathroom with reckless abandon?  If I had to guess, I’d say it’s a sorry state of affairs in the responsible behavior department.  And it’s time we admitted our incapacity to make responsible, adult choices.  And outsource those tasks to someone more responsible (cleaning service anyone?).  Cause the longer we leave those dishes occupying our sinks, the more and more likely that the blue green algae science experiment in your sink will overtake your apartment and later the world. (Little shop of horrors style)

Ever feel like it’s your personal mission to derail your own (not to mention your friends’) grown up goals and aspirations in favor of fun?  And by fun, I mean doing something completely and totally irresponsible like ditching your responsible Sunday afternoon of catching up on work at the office, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking dinner and whatever ELSE normal folks do on a Sunday for an excursion to Atlantic City to bet it all on Red (new black FYI).  Or how about Sunday Funday that includes absolutely EVERYTHING but what you (not to mention me) set out to do for the day in favor of hiking in the Catskills, per say?  Wanna go to Brighton Beach and indulge in Russian shmorgasborg of caviar, fish, borscht etc, not to mention VODKA?  Let’s make it happen, Captain.  Care to sleep that night?  Magic eight ball says highly unlikely.  Responsible behavior?  Better outsource that to someone more responsible, at least in our case, and quite likely yours if you happen to go along with our shenanigans.  Not that you won’t have FUN, but you can count on nothing productive coming out of the excursion, unless you count winning money at blackjack as productive, which I happen to, just saying.

  

My dear Occupiers, the bottom line is this: life really IS all about fun (contrary to what my esteemed father used to say).  And when YOU’RE having fun, I’M having fun and we’re both HAPPY.  Not in the sense of being drunk, stoned or any iteration of altered state (tho that’s not outside the realm of possibility).  No I’m talking picking your destiny (poison?) and just DOING it already.  Then helping youz deal wit the consequences.  Happiness facilitator at your service.  Help me help you succeed in your career and fail in your personal and professional life all day long.  I’m an expert.  At BOTH.  Do it ALL THE TIME.  If FUN isn’t part of your equation, it’s time to do some reconstruction of your situation, if I have any say in the matter (which I DO cause it’s my blog).  Cause when it stops being fun, what’s the fucking point? I can help.  Help me help you introduce FUN back into your current lifestyle.  And outsource those nagging responsibilities to someone capable of actually doing them.

BTW - FUN is based not ONLY on the ability to be spontaneous but also on the ability to FUND your FUN.  I mean, how can you gamble without any Benjamins to put down on the table?  Right?  So allow me to assist you in getting that job of your dreams, in order to fund your REAL dreams.  Whatever those dreams may be.   Dream on, dreamers.  And leave the rest to me.  You’re in good hands (with Allstate, or ME), guaranteed.  Cause I have a dream.  Of making dreams realities for both you and me.  One Sunday Funday at a time…pretending MONDAY doesn’t exist.

I mean, why not dare to have FUN again?  After all, we always have the next life to fuck up even worse than we did this one, RIGHT?  So go ahead, throw caution to the wind and enjoy yourselves in THIS life.  The next will be SURE to follow suit (especially if you’re playing poker and are trying for that royal flush).

 

Happy Occupying!  Over and out for now.  More updates to follow.