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I would be remiss to NOT share the BEST epic fail date story I've EVER HEARD. Crying I'm laughing so hard at this. Friend of friend goes on date. An AMAZING date. The type of date fairy tales are made of. It was love at first sight. They were discussing marriage and kids ON THE FIRST DATE. Enamoured with each other, they went back to his apartment and had apparently amazing sex. The next morning, he had to work and she did not. He whispers in her ear to stay as long as she likes and make herself at home. And if she's there when he's back from work, he'd be the happiest man in the world. An ominous warning was given. If she leaves, the door locks automatically.
In her post love struck bliss, she ate a bowl of cereal. All the while, basking in the glow of her newfound future husband. She goes to the bathroom. Takes a shit. To her dismay, the toilet doesn't flush. Not wanting to leave a giant dump in her lover's toilet, she finds a plastic bag. Turns it inside out and fishes out the shit. Ties it up and inadvertently places on the kitchen counter as she writes him a love note to say goodbye. Complete with XOXOXO signature. As she leaves, her heart STOPS when she hears the lock clicking as the door slams shut. Because she left the shit bag on his counter next to her love note.
Not surprisingly, dude never called. Although if I were him, I might call. The POLICE! If I could be a fly on the wall to him returning home to his "present"...just to see his reaction. Priceless. I'm sure it was simply priceless...
Upon further analysis, the following questions come to mind:
1. WHY did she NOT use a battering ram to bust the door down upon being locked out?
2. WHY did she NOT figure out how to use a plunger? Or at least TRY to fix the toilet?
3. WHY did she NOT make up some ridiculous story about having left her medication in the apartment that she could NOT live without and have the doorman let her in?
So many questions...so few answers. What would YOU do in this scenario? Me? I'd use my ninja skills to bust in the window. Or door. Or call in favor card with the NYPD. ANYTHING. Jesus I'd call in a SWAT team! Nope, not leaving bag of shit on kitchen counter without a fight...if you ask me, if disaster strikes, outside the box thinking is an absolute necessity...but that's just my opinion, man.
In her post love struck bliss, she ate a bowl of cereal. All the while, basking in the glow of her newfound future husband. She goes to the bathroom. Takes a shit. To her dismay, the toilet doesn't flush. Not wanting to leave a giant dump in her lover's toilet, she finds a plastic bag. Turns it inside out and fishes out the shit. Ties it up and inadvertently places on the kitchen counter as she writes him a love note to say goodbye. Complete with XOXOXO signature. As she leaves, her heart STOPS when she hears the lock clicking as the door slams shut. Because she left the shit bag on his counter next to her love note.
Not surprisingly, dude never called. Although if I were him, I might call. The POLICE! If I could be a fly on the wall to him returning home to his "present"...just to see his reaction. Priceless. I'm sure it was simply priceless...
Upon further analysis, the following questions come to mind:
1. WHY did she NOT use a battering ram to bust the door down upon being locked out?
2. WHY did she NOT figure out how to use a plunger? Or at least TRY to fix the toilet?
3. WHY did she NOT make up some ridiculous story about having left her medication in the apartment that she could NOT live without and have the doorman let her in?
So many questions...so few answers. What would YOU do in this scenario? Me? I'd use my ninja skills to bust in the window. Or door. Or call in favor card with the NYPD. ANYTHING. Jesus I'd call in a SWAT team! Nope, not leaving bag of shit on kitchen counter without a fight...if you ask me, if disaster strikes, outside the box thinking is an absolute necessity...but that's just my opinion, man.
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