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Behind Blue Eyes: Red Flags. Beasts of Burden. Karma to the rescue. And other similar trains of thought.
Revenge is a Dish Best Served...
Not at all. At least in my book. It's funny to listen to a song you've heard a million times and actually pay attention to the lyrics for once. Just happened to me with the following song by The Who, Behind Blue Eyes. Got me to thinking about nice light topics such as revenge, karma, inside the minds of sociopaths and the like...
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated, to be fated to telling only lies
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings like I do and I blame you!
No one bites back as hard on their anger
None of my pain and woe can show through
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours only lonely
My love is vengeance, that's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
And If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes
I think that this song might be more appropriately titled, "Inside the Mind of a Sociopath". Sort of creepy. But, after reading a book titled, "The Sociopath Next Door" a few months ago, the lyrics struck a chord. I find sociopaths intriguing, if only because they're so entirely different from the norm, hard to figure out or even fathom, their existence a mystery, one for the ages. Like Vampires. Did you know that one in 25 people are sociopaths? At least according to this book. Not actually sure how they go about accurately measuring that statistic but for the sake of argument let's assume it to be accurate. That's a sh@tload of people!
Not sure what a sociopath actually is? Allow me to enlighten you: A sociopath is defined as someone who lacks conscience. Someone who is devoid of guilt or sense of duty to another person, human beings or life in general. They are out for themselves and will stop at nothing to get what they want. The book goes into various styles of sociopathology but suffice it to say that this type of person will generally not come across as the traditional version of psychopaths that tend to play out on the big screen. They are usually not reclusive or loners with strange mannerisms or facial ticks. As a matter of fact, they are generally quite the opposite. Sociopaths will charm your socks off, generally being masters of deception, smoke & mirrors. Using their lack of conscience and perfected manipulation techniques to their advantage, to benefit them and them alone. You may be duped into thinking a person like this actually cares for you, but you'd be sadly mistaken. You simply have something or someone that they want. Be it money, or a job, or a roof over your head. That they're willing to use you for and toss to the curb when finished. Alternatively, they could simply be jealous of you and therefore find it necessary to undermine you in various ways, shapes and forms of their choosing.
So, good advice would be to pay close attention to someone's version of reality. Ask yourselves, is it possible that so many bad things can happen to one person without any of it being the least bit their fault? Are their apologies genuine? Or are they distinctly lacking in that certain je ne say quoi (ie. Meaning it)? Riddle me this, Ghostrider: Do I pity them because they deserve it or am I allowing myself to be manipulated, used as a pawn in their reindeer games of deception? Ask yourself: Are they using my own conscience against me? If your gut tells you the answer might be yes, I wouldn't be the one sticking around to find out for sure. 
Speaking of bad things, this leads me onto the topic of Karma. Sociopaths do not believe in Karma, but quite the opposite, taking matters into their own hands to exact revenge on their "enemies". They actually take pleasure in the suffering of others, possibly because it’s a power trip or something along those lines. Their form of revenge is usually with a special sociopathic twist, generally involving hitting so far below the belt you’d be hard pressed to think of someone actually doing or saying whatever it is they did to you. It’s just that appalling that it’s hard to believe it really happened. To really “show you”. (their true colors, perhaps?)
In my opinion, this type of behavior only leads to what the lyrics in this Behind Blue Eyes song so vividly describe. An existence of, at the mild end, boredom and loneliness, never accomplishing much, to the severe end of becoming a dictator so filled with hate and rage that one decides to wipe out an entire social class of people because <insert whatever lunatic reason you prefer to misguidedly justify mass murder on a grand scale, but usually having something to do with religion here>. Sociopaths know how to manipulate others so well, that they are actually able to pull these types of revenge seeking behaviors off. With not one soul questioning their motives because they are such smooth operators, so pious, so very “good”. So good, in fact, that they’ll surely make it a point to tell you how good they are at every possible opportunity. But don’t be fooled by those blue eyes, my friend. Because behind them is quite simply put: nothing. A vast pool of emptiness, littered with red flags, sprinkled with sadness, shame, and possibly knowledge that they lack the capacity to love (if they are the introspective type) and therefore springs a veritable geyser of jealousy, of those who have what they do not (those like you and me).
Another sidebar item, but important to mention is that though sociopaths may share similarities with those who have various other personality disorders, most notably Borderline Personality Disorder, I believe there is one major distinction between the two. While borderline personalities may behave in similar ways to the sociopath and throw up the same red flags, borderlines, I suspect, do actually care versus sociopaths who don't care (just like Honey badger, remember him?) Borderlines just have a screwed up way of showing they care because of their difficulty navigating their over-sensitivities to just about everything anyone says or does.
And to hedge our bets on Karma coming through in the clutch, I believe someone famous once said “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Wise words, for sure. Write that down. Words to live by…Who on earth could it be that said that?? Ben Franklin? No...God, I hate when this happens...George Washington? Not so much...Jesus, it's on tip of my tongue! Will come to me at some point. Lord, I’m just so bad with names sometimes…
In the meantime, there's this: tribute to my personal all time favorite sociopath played by Christian Bale in American Psycho. Cheers to not having Patrick Bateman over for dinner anytime soon, or ever.
Revenge is a Dish Best Served...
BEHIND BLUE EYES LYRICS
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated, to be fated to telling only lies
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings like I do and I blame you!
No one bites back as hard on their anger
None of my pain and woe can show through
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours only lonely
My love is vengeance, that's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
And If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes
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| Red Flag. |
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| Red Flag. |
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| Red Flag. |
In any event, this song seems to exemplify the life of a sociopath, behind closed doors. Generally bored easily, they will amuse themselves with various forms of revenge on someone or something that they perceive to have done them wrong. Sociopaths are notorious grudge holders. They are lonely, sad and will look to blame this on whoever might be closest to them at the time, which could be you. So, don't say I didn't warn you. They're out there, do in fact exist, and are on the prowl. So don't be their next victim and learn to question what’s behind blue eyes: rocket launchers of red flags.
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| Red Flag. |
Never being at fault, they have no sense of personal responsibility, no real work ethic. They seek shortcuts to getting what they want, the easy way. By using people left and right to climb whatever ladder they're looking to climb at the moment. They don't feel normal positive or negative emotions, like you and me. They copy other's emotions as a way of fitting in. But left to their own devices, they do not feel sad at a close friend's funeral but feign tears for the sake of showmanship, no guilt at robbing their best friend blind, only shame for getting caught. The emotion most likely to rear it's ugly head when dealing with this type of personality (or lack thereof, actually) is anger, directed towards you for their feelings of emptiness and lack of true identity. Not that you have anything to do with their underdeveloped sense of self, but you'll apparently take the brunt of the collateral damage, all the same. And when these angry outbursts do rear their ugly head, they will disappear as quickly as whatever it was that brought them about. Leaving you to wonder what hit you as they're already onto the next victim.
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| Red Flag. |
Being very black or white, very judgemental in nature, they may use religion as their guise, hiding behind the church and fake fascade of piety to exact their warped views of right and wrong, good or bad upon the world (or simply their churchgoing neighbors). Alternatively, they may be a dictator or other prominent figure in society: Think: Hitler.
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| Red Flag. |
They might charm your socks off one minute while the next, completely ignore your calls, texts and other means of communication when they've found something new and exciting to occupy themselves with. They have no qualms about living in your home, eating your food, drinking your wine, paying no rent and leaving you penniless (and possibly jobless in the end). They might not have a job at the moment and have visions of grandeur around every corner, their big payday just one week, month, year away. Sociopaths usually do not have a steady employment history, and consistently blame a job (or relationship) not working out because of <insert anything but themselves here>.
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| Red Flag. |
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| Step aside, folks. Nothing to see here. Let the professionals handle this one. |
Speaking of bad things, this leads me onto the topic of Karma. Sociopaths do not believe in Karma, but quite the opposite, taking matters into their own hands to exact revenge on their "enemies". They actually take pleasure in the suffering of others, possibly because it’s a power trip or something along those lines. Their form of revenge is usually with a special sociopathic twist, generally involving hitting so far below the belt you’d be hard pressed to think of someone actually doing or saying whatever it is they did to you. It’s just that appalling that it’s hard to believe it really happened. To really “show you”. (their true colors, perhaps?)
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| Red Flag. |
What I find intriguing, and the real conundrum of the matter is this: Sociopaths are aware that they lack something special and important, but they don’t understand what that something even is. They have this weird sense of injustice because they do not feel ecstasy, joy, contentment, happiness or love. But can’t ever know what exactly it is that they are missing, because they’ve never had it to begin with. It’s like being born without eyes to see (Helen Keller comes to mind) or ears to hear. How do you know what you’re missing without ever having it to begin with? If you're colorblind, how do you know the color red if you've never actually seen or experienced it?
Lacking one or more of our senses leads to overcompensation by another one of our other senses. Maybe our sense of smell and touch becomes so fine-tuned that we are able to make our way, blind and deaf, through the world relatively well. Maybe sociopaths over-compensate for their lack of conscience, care and compassion with an overdeveloped sense of smell for manipulation and mind control. A special gift for sniffing out your weaknesses and using them to exploit, undermine, or at the very least, annoy you to death. At least until they get what they want, at which point you’ll probably never hear from them again, which is a blessing in disguise, believe me. A classic case of Blitzkrieg by Sociopath. For some unfortunate souls, what sociopaths want is to leech off of you for their entire life, without ever having to work or lift a finger for themselves. All the while complaining that your provisions and caretaking is never quite good enough, no present special enough, perfect enough for someone of their stature or importance…Care to dive on that grenade? Think you can change this person? Feel like being a martyr to help them finally see the light? Good luck with that…and lemme know how it all turns out! You literally might die trying.
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| That's a MAJOR red flag. |
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| Red Flags all around. |
Lacking one or more of our senses leads to overcompensation by another one of our other senses. Maybe our sense of smell and touch becomes so fine-tuned that we are able to make our way, blind and deaf, through the world relatively well. Maybe sociopaths over-compensate for their lack of conscience, care and compassion with an overdeveloped sense of smell for manipulation and mind control. A special gift for sniffing out your weaknesses and using them to exploit, undermine, or at the very least, annoy you to death. At least until they get what they want, at which point you’ll probably never hear from them again, which is a blessing in disguise, believe me. A classic case of Blitzkrieg by Sociopath. For some unfortunate souls, what sociopaths want is to leech off of you for their entire life, without ever having to work or lift a finger for themselves. All the while complaining that your provisions and caretaking is never quite good enough, no present special enough, perfect enough for someone of their stature or importance…Care to dive on that grenade? Think you can change this person? Feel like being a martyr to help them finally see the light? Good luck with that…and lemme know how it all turns out! You literally might die trying.
The book goes into various red flags to look out for in spotting sociopaths in our everyday life (because there’s a darn good chance we know one or two if one in 25 people out there are sociopaths). But I think the most compelling red flag is this: If you find yourself being abused by a person in any way, shape or form, either physically or emotionally, but at the same time, being made to feel sorry for them in another, you’re most likely dealing with a sociopath. They apparently use pity to their advantage as their weapon of choice, an Ace up their sleeve in times of distress…when they’re called on the counter for their misbehaving, sneaky shenanigans.
Other red flags can be found in the following video, compliments of SNL. A nice interlude to this weighty discussion.
Another sidebar item, but important to mention is that though sociopaths may share similarities with those who have various other personality disorders, most notably Borderline Personality Disorder, I believe there is one major distinction between the two. While borderline personalities may behave in similar ways to the sociopath and throw up the same red flags, borderlines, I suspect, do actually care versus sociopaths who don't care (just like Honey badger, remember him?) Borderlines just have a screwed up way of showing they care because of their difficulty navigating their over-sensitivities to just about everything anyone says or does.
So, back to the topic at hand, the interesting existential question becomes this: will sociopaths eventually take over the world? Are they a more evolved species than those held back by their nagging conscience? Is having a conscience overrated, passé, a quaint idea of the past now gone by the wayside in favor of materialism and self-gain? I mean, just think of all the things you could do without that nagging feeling of responsibility at leaving your dog home too long without food or water, or shame at stabbing your best friend in the back to date their girlfriend or wife, or guilt at using someone for expensive dinners out when you really can’t even stand the sight of them?
The answer, one can only hope, is one that is best described though Karma’s role in all this madness. Because, as we all well know, Karma’s Can be a Real Bi-a@$h. Slapping one sociopath after another on a weekly, possibly daily basis. Because when you manage to piss so many people off, their negative energy directed at you, all at once, negativity in concentrate, (yes, you, Mr. or Ms. Sociopath, the one person who can do no wrong in your own eyes, a shining example of everything “good” in this world gone awry). Karma’s gonna roll up their sleeves, step in, get involved and set the record straight. And we all know when the Karma police make an arrest, it’s never a pretty scene. The book comes to a similar conclusion BTW, minus the karma part, but similar nonetheless.
The answer, one can only hope, is one that is best described though Karma’s role in all this madness. Because, as we all well know, Karma’s Can be a Real Bi-a@$h. Slapping one sociopath after another on a weekly, possibly daily basis. Because when you manage to piss so many people off, their negative energy directed at you, all at once, negativity in concentrate, (yes, you, Mr. or Ms. Sociopath, the one person who can do no wrong in your own eyes, a shining example of everything “good” in this world gone awry). Karma’s gonna roll up their sleeves, step in, get involved and set the record straight. And we all know when the Karma police make an arrest, it’s never a pretty scene. The book comes to a similar conclusion BTW, minus the karma part, but similar nonetheless.
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| Red Flag. |
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| Red Flag. |
So, I’d just say, Please Step Aside, to all you revenge seeking enthusiasts. Because it’s a dish best served, not cold, but really not at all. It simply perpetuates the drama triangle, the round robbin of damages and escalates them further. Let’s wash our hands of the whole damn thing, let Karma work it out, it’s police out in full force to make arrests as deemed appropriate. Leave it up to the professionals and let the universe handle the rest.
Think you’ve spotted a sociopath in your life? My advice to you would be to make like Monty Python and Run Away! Run away! That's one battle I'm going to go ahead and say is not worth fighting. Why not cast away that beast of burden, and leave it up to higher authorities? Mick and Keith have. Cause they don’t need your beast of burden, they’ve walked for miles, their feet are hurtin’… and they’re not too blind to see…I know someone else who fits that description too...So, whacha say, sister? You in or you out? You stayin' or goin'? Cause you can put us out, on the street, put us out, with no shoes on our feet, but put us out, put us out, put us out of misery…
And to hedge our bets on Karma coming through in the clutch, I believe someone famous once said “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Wise words, for sure. Write that down. Words to live by…Who on earth could it be that said that?? Ben Franklin? No...God, I hate when this happens...George Washington? Not so much...Jesus, it's on tip of my tongue! Will come to me at some point. Lord, I’m just so bad with names sometimes…
In the meantime, there's this: tribute to my personal all time favorite sociopath played by Christian Bale in American Psycho. Cheers to not having Patrick Bateman over for dinner anytime soon, or ever.
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| That's a Major Red Flag. |
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