Saturday, December 22, 2012

Captain's Log: I Survived Epic World Tour 2012. Operation: Escape Europe, Return to North America Fully Underway. ETA: 18 hundred hours.

Captain's Log: I Survived Epic World Tour 2012. Operation: Escape Europe, Return to North America Fully Underway. ETA: 18 hundred hours.

With a fruitful European invasion under our belts (as well as an extra 5 pounds from mass consumption of fromage, fois gras, chocolate, and creme brûlée) we depart for North America...Victorious in our conquests (to drag a bag the size of Sweden around the world without wearing half of the clothing or shoes packed) Triumphant in our endeavors (to stay alive). Yep, smoke em if you got em, my dear friends, because we can congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Due to the fact we did not break our backs under the weight of our ovrsized luggage, nor perish via the various options available on this epic journey that took on a life of it's own.

Nope, we managed NOT to fall off the ship as we marauded our way through the South Pacific En route to the land down under. And although our journey included a near shipwreck off the coast of New Zealand all 2,000 cruise passengers made it to the land down under relatively unscathed...physically, that is...mentally is another matter to be dealt with at a later date as the nightmares involving mobs at midnight buffets continue. But for NOW, let's raise our glass to avoiding the many dangers to our health and safety that we had the opportunity to encounter over the course of our travels:
-shark attacks while failing to learn to surf in Bondi,
-snake and spider bites while spraining our ankles in the outback,
- angry bulls in Spain,
-and last but in NO way least, being run down my an angry mob of Frenchmen, appalled at our lacking French vocabulary and use of ketchup on potatoes for breakfast (a distinct threat potential which fortunately never materialized)

And I haven't EVEN mentioned surviving the end of the world as predicted by the Mayan calendar. Congratulations are CERTAINLY in order that we live to see another day. And return home triumphant (to still be breathing). Yes, victory is OURS, my friends! High fives to still be alive! And make it through our travels in sound body and spirit (again, the mind will have to be dealt with at a later date as yours truly is now unable to hear the words cruise, Bingo, buffet or formal night without twitching)

As we reminisce on the good times and bad, the happy and the sad over the last 90 days abroad, we can rest easy knowing we have managed to conquer the South Pacific, New Zealand, Australia, Indonesia, France, Switzerland and Spain, with a brief layover in Istanbul for good measure. And though we return with less in our bank accounts, we return RICH with experiences, adventures, friends and acquaintances. And though our epic travels end today, our new friends and 5,000 photos will remain with us throughout the years (at least on Facebook). And the memory of Epic World Tour 2012 will live on in infamy... In our hearts and minds (and on Facebook). And I LIKE this. (In real life too. Not just on Facebook).

Captain signing off. Over and out for now. More updates to follow.


Sent from my iPad

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

This just in: the French use "baby on board" signage too. See below for more details.

The question remains as to whether the use of this outdated and somewhat tacky signage is ANY more effective in preventing aggressive driving and subsequent motorized vehicle accidents in France than in the USA. Will continue to report as additional information is obtained on this very important subject. 

Captains Log. Day 8 in France. 015 hundred hours. Man cannot live on Cheese and Chocolate Alone...or CAN HE?

Captains Log. Day 8 in France. 015 hundred hours. Man cannot live on Cheese and Chocolate Alone...or CAN HE?

After a successful invasion of the good country of France, a jaunt in gay Paris and the festival of lights in Lyon is now under our belts (along with an inordinate amount of fantastic French food). Accordingly, we venture over to Geneva to expand our european horizons (and probably our waistlines). All the while, our epicurean adventures continue, and the question on everyone's mind remains: Can man survive on fromage, chocolate and vin chaud ALONE? The answer remains to be seen, but we are scientifically testing our hypothesis that the answer MAY be <insert bad french accent here while twirling fake mustache> "Oui, Oui Oui!"

Time will tell whether we survive this riveting inquiry into the collective amount our digestive systems are willing to withstand before staging a revolution. In the meantime, we are busy occupying ourselves with Swiss army knives, Swiss watches and, yep, you guessed it, Swiss chocolate (god help us) before venturing back to France to continue our mass consumption of cheese and vin chaud, with charcuterie on the side. When in Rome...er France...Viva la fromage!

Over and out for now. More updates to follow.

Look Mom! Les Poisson! In Lyon!

Just