Captains log. Day 4 04 hundred hours. No redemption for bob Marley look alikes
Whelp it's day three into our cruise to (in)sanity and (lack of) reason and we are feelin' fine. With the real atrocities of the USA officially behind us (for now) one would think we'd be able to leave thoughts of home on the shelf. Aging like a not so amazing wine, that mostly tastes like vinegar when revisited...causing a mild vomit to bubble up in our throats...but I digress.
A lot has happened since we last reported on the unfolding Neil diamond saga that has deeply divided crew and passengers alike. In one development, Steve Bannon employed data from Cambridge Analytica to determine whether those who ordered pina coloadas would enjoy or abhor another version of Sweet Caroline. Data in hand, he dispatched teams of targeted supporters (populists) to canvas the ship, convincing those who were into Neil Diamond after the hundredth version of the song that the "opposition party" is running an active sex and drug trafficking ring out of the northwest hot tub on the pool deck, cleverly disguised as Bob Marley Rasta Farians. An unfortunate rumor to spread as the ship careens into Jamaica Bay.
Meanwhile, credible reports are surfacing of angry mobs swarming anyone returning to the ship with red, green and yellow souvenirs and especially those donning Rasta Dreads or humming "3 little birds are on my doorstep". No injuries or deaths have been reported as of yet but we will continue to bring you the latest in this rapidly escalating story. In the meantime, every little ting may or may NOT... ever be alright again...
Captain signing off. Over and out for now. More updates to follow. Unless we are overrun by an unruly (aka: racist) mob for our newly purchased Rasta hats. Only time will tell.