Saturday, July 28, 2012

Moon Over Manhattan Bridge

We love Manhattan.  Woody Allen agrees.

The Word on the Street: Love Stories Suck

Words on the street: read em and weep.  Or laugh, or smile. Or make no expression whatsoever.  All the same to me.

Love stories suck...She's gone from suck to blow, Spaceballs.

     Hmmmm.  Things that make you go hmmmm?  Stickers still popular around town.  Got stickers?  (Hint: you should).  Apparently everyone else around here does.  Hmmmm

Pet Ninjas: I have Run Away and Joined a Group of Desperate Bandito's

  Sounds about right...

A Reminder: We Are Almost Famous Again...This Time on Stage. TONIGHT @ 9:00 PM. Please Join us for Improv at the Magnet. And IMPROVE Your Sense of Humor.

  Phony Rappers re-unite!  For what's RIGHT (not left) TONIGHT @ 9:00 people!  See youz at the SHOW!  
  Gonna kick it UP a notch to the next level (level 2 class) for a show NOT to be missed!
So join us for improv...and IMPROVE your sense of humor.  Cause yours could use an update...
Magnet Theater, 30th & 8th Ave.  
See youz there!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Call Me Maybe - 2012 USA Olympic Swimming Team #Callmemaybetakesovertheworld

  Your daily dose of Call Me Maybe is highly appropos on the start of the Olympic games.  Catch it.  Hmmm...parodies of Call Me Maybe...Newest Olympic sport?  Maybe...



Very good advice indeed...London calling?  Maybe...

Freudian Slip: When You Say One Thing And Mean Your Mother

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Weather Report: Biblical

Houston, we have a problem.  Funnel clouds spotted in Manhattan.

Most of the time...I can handle whatever I stumble upon...Most of the time...

"Most Of The Time"
Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground
I can follow the path
I can read the sign
Stay right with it when the road unwinds
I can handle whatever
I stumble upon
I don't even notice she's gone
Most of the time.
Most of the time it's well understood
Most of the time I wouldn't change it if I could
I can make it all match up
I can hold my own
I can deal with the situation right down to the bone
I can survive and I can endure
And I don't even think about her
Most of the time.
Most of the time my head is on straight
Most of the time I'm strong enough not to hate
I don't build up illusion 'til it makes me sick
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind
Don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine
Most of the time.
Most of the time she ain't even in my mind
I wouldn't know her if I saw her
She's that far behind
Most of the time I can even be sure
If she was ever with me
Or if I was ever with her
Most of the time I'm halfway content
Most of the time I know exactly where it went
I don't cheat on myself I don't run and hide
Hide from the feelings that are buried inside
I don't compromise and I don't pretend
I don't even care if I ever see her again
Most of the time. - Bob Dylan


Carbon Dating. TELL ME, Where half you been all my life?

  Half life.  Get it???  Hahaha!  Dorky science humor runs in the family.  Cause "Tork is cheap" :)

THIS JUST IN: Ping Pong is Officially Added as an Olympic Sport

It's what's for dinner.
Special Olympics, that is.  And in honor of the Olympic games about to begin in London, NYC is bringing the heat to France, in a ping pong tournament SURE to be an epic battle...(to the death?)  So let the games begin!  SPIN!  And may the best country win (France is going DOWN...just saying...)  We will continue reporting on the scoring of tonight's epic battle of balls.  So grow a pair.  And bring it, France. Just wear underpants, mkay?

A pair of balls.  Mature?  Nope.  Not really....
Who will carry the torch to victory?  Only time will tell.  But I got my bets on New York City.  Cause we got balls.  A pair of em....and maturity times three ;)

  Update: it has come to my attention that ping pong already IS an olympic sport (who the hell knew?)  France chickened out and has yet to take on New York City.  To Be Continued....

I've learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress...Just kidding, I'm on my third glass of wine.

Cause it's just THAT kind of week.
Red Red Wine..UB40 Style.

I have sexdaily. I mean, dyslexia! Fcuk.

  LOL trending now: #dylsexiajokes  Props to Takei for sharing.  "When life hands you melons, you may have dyslexia"

Let's talk about sex.  Salt N Peppa certainly want to.  See below (not blow, minds outta gutters please)


LOL! Lonely Planet did too.  See below for more details.

Oldie but Goodie. The United States of America as Seen By A New Yorker

  It's funny cause it's true...Florida AKA: where they shot "COPS".  Michigan in this general area...yep, seems about right.

Empire State of Mind...Jay Z agrees...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A Simple Request: Occupy Your Healthy Level of Insanity (On Reality TV). And Say YES to Fitting in with Everyone ELSE Round Here.

Occupy Your Healthy Level of Insanity.  Cause Nobody gets on reality TV by being "Normal".  Feeling a little CRAZY these days?  GOOD.  So is everyone else in this town.  You'll fit RIGHT IN.  Billy Joel Agrees.

Case in point.  Does THIS look normal to you?

So just say YES.  To a wintery mix of insanity...with crazy on the side. The hottest trend to hit the runway.

Welcome my dear occupying friends, to your weekly update on the Occupy My Blog Movement on the MOVE.  Moving up in the world of new-found fame (for being hookers...on reality TV? God help us), one day at a time.  With our new "madam hooker status" broadcast on national television, we are creating QUITE the buzz around town.  Cause apparently EVERYONE now feels the need to request "hooker approval" for whatever it might be that they are occupying or attempting to accomplish.  Which PLEASES me (not to mention KP).  That's right folks, TOGETHER, we are changing the reality, austerity, TV, KP... (next up MTV?) landscape as we know it.  And for THAT, we should be PROUD (hookers...who APPROVE of this message).

However, (as you may have guessed) I DO have one more simple request: to SAY YES to your inner lunatic.  Cause apparently "eccentricity" is the new new thing.  Hottest trend to hit the runway.  Cause fo real, "normal" is dumb...not to mention boring.  I mean, HOW many times have we tried to fit in with what we believe to be society's definition of "normal" only to realize not only is it the most stressful endeavor imaginable, it's also pointless and a colossal waste of time.  Cause your "normal" self bores your REAL self to tears.  And reality always comes back to bite you in the ass, my friends.  (Never forget: Reality bites).  

May as well face facts here and realize that we're all different.  Which is a GOOD thing, if I have anything to say about it (which I DO, cause it's my blog).  I mean, cause honestly, could you date a carbon copy of you?  Would you even WANT to?  My guess?  If you're anything like me, the answer is a resounding N.O.  I mean, SOMEONE's gotta be the responsible (non-hooker reality TV) adult here...and that someone's apparently not gonna be me (or KP).

Disco in the subway.  Perfectly "normal" round
THIS town...
Do some people find it weird that you idolize pirates, ninjas and gangstas and one day aspire to embody all three (in addition to Carly Rae Jepsen with Call Me Maybe?)  Do other people find it offensive that you now tack the words "bitch", "ho" or "bro" onto most sentences in a dorky attempt to accomplish this new-found goal in life? (ie. YAR, bitches)  Yes?  Fuck em.  Cause if they're your REAL friends, they'll accept you for who you are (hookers? Just Say YES).  And partake in laughing at your ridiculousness alongside of your own self.  Cause, for real, if you can't laugh at yourself....who can you laugh at? (well...YOU I guess...but again I digress).

So get real.  And occupy your inner insane asylum, er "eccentricities". Cause otherwise, you do not get "hooker approval" (very important in this day and age).  And let your true colors shine through, for all the world to see (on reality TV).  And if you'd like hooker approval, all you have to do is Call us...MAYBE?

Occupy it UP, Buttercups!  And let the REAL you shine through.  However eccentric they may be.  Happy Occupying!  Over and out for now.  More updates to follow.
  Most everyone's MAD here...not to mention BAD.  So is MJ.  
"Brought to you by KP and the Sunshine Hooker Gang...and We APPROVE of this message"  

Monday, July 23, 2012

It you see da' police. Warn a Brother


I believe in empathy. I am always willing to put myself in someone else's shoes. Unless they're wearing crocs. Then they can go fuck themselves.

Lol! Could not agree more.

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

Whelp, With the Market Taking a Dump Today, SOMEONE (Hint: Me) is Going Long Start-ups, Short Wall Street, Taking the Spread of Venture Capital + Fame Cubed

Everyone with me so far?  Not really?  Allow me to diagram it out for you.  Victory will be OURS!  In this simple linear fashion:

Yep, fun with math.  Road maps to victory...hitting the easy button on life.  One day at a time.  Just remember, don't drink and DERIVE, people.

And when victory becomes mine (soon), I will run up the Rocky Steps.  YO ADRIEN!  So stay tuned...In the meantime, there's this. 

The Hormone Guide. Survival Tips for Men: How to ask a Question to a Woman

  Fantastic!  And true.  Every man should read this.  Twice.

Men of the world, please read at your earliest convenience.  And adhere to this road map in the wide world of relationships. Yep, hitting the easy button on life.  One day at a time...with "Here, have some wine."

And youz can thank me later ;)

The Original Angry Birds...EAGLES!

We're not angry, we're from Philly.

So, I just found out I'm awesome. You might want to get yourself tested.

Parking for Italians ONLY. We Heart NY

  In little start spreading the news...with Frank Sinatra.

Hey, I just met you and this is CRAZY, but I'm pregnant and it's YO BABY

  LOL props to Monica for sharing this gem!  Your daily dose of Call Me your service.  Heals souls and changes lives (tho not necessarily for the better).  Catch it.  Before it catches you....

The DRUNK DIET. Get Ripped

  LOL done and done, consider it done.

The thing about smart mother fuckers is...They Sound like crazy mother fuckers to dumb mother fuckers

  Yep.  Couldn't have said it better myself...Remember, we prefer eclectic to crazy...mkay?

You may be right....we may be crazy...but it just may be a LUNATIC you're looking for...