Saturday, March 31, 2012

Lions, Lions and Gargoyles, Oh My.

  One cool cat. 
Rams.  Behind Bars.

  And an evil looking gargoyle, oh my.

And more cats.  Just keep coming back.

Newsflash: New York Takes on London and Paris. Three Awesome Cities:

Two awesome lions.  Which brings me to the following contest of the day.  That's right, New York is throwing it's weight around today and taking this battle across the pond, to London and Paris.  Who is the better city?  Time will tell.  New York and Paris are neck and neck. 

Paris isn't taking this lying down.  They've jumped in the ring with heavyweights like the Thinker, quarterbacking like a champ,  Defensive end Eiffle Tower, Louvre proving it's own show of force as starting kicker, outside linebacker The Seine, and Monmart, right tackle, also has their backs.  Giverny's playing defense on their behalf as well. 

New York's bringing out the big guns: with running back Empire State Building, GE Building as wide receiver, Chrysler Building kicking off special teams, with the Brooklyn Bridge taking on the offensive line.  Bryant Park isn't taking this contest lightly either, blocking and tackling from Midtown.  With the entire NFL on their side. 

London's calling with their own tricks up their sleeve, with London Bridge quarterbacking with a vengance, tightend Big Ben storming out onto the field, and the Tower of London and Buckingham Palace playing defense.  Buckingham Palace is displaying a full show of force with mascots Lion and Unicorn guarding the gates.

The game is just kicking off now, with scoring updates soon to follow.  So stay tuned while we take a brief commercial break with a message from our local sponsors.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know....

  Whoooooooo are you?

Who, who, who, who?

The Gods Must Be Crazy. #Didnotwinlotterymegamillionsmustnothavelikedsacrificialchicken

Megmillions, these two are very dissapointed in
your poor behavior.
Ok Megamillions, you've brought a new definition to the term: playing hard to get.  I've pulled out all the stops, left nothing to chance.  Made sacrificial chicken and broccoli.  I detailed, over and over and over again, how the gods of Rock Center were all on my side.  It just wasn't even enough for you, was it?  You had to cheat on me and go with three other people, one from Maryland, nonetheless.  Insult to injury, Megamillions.  Well, I hope being unfaithful was worth it, megamillions.  Because I seriously doubt these three big winners are going to purchase world peace with their bounty.  Just saying....

The Upper Rust called several times.  Missed it.  Let it go to voicemail.
Damn.  Better luck next time.

Friday, March 30, 2012

What You Could Change with Megamillions. A Prayer for Peace and Prosperity.

Let us fly our flags of peace.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming with an important message from your local station:

A Prayer for Peace and Prosperity.
Let us fly our flags, of peace and prosperity. For all.
Every man, woman and child, every chicken and lamb,
man and beast,
The angels will beat their wings in time.

As we bask in the glory of a new day.
A day of rest. A day of solitude and silence.

A day of reflection and remembrance.

Reflections.  St. Patrick.

A day of post modern bliss.

A day of pure unadulterated joy and light.

Where we are all gods and goddesses of our time and place.

One with the universe and each other. Non-dualilty's finest.

Always, forever shining our love lights down.

Sparkling, shining, like the evening sun.

And when our sun does set in the west, as it is so apt to do,
We may retire upon the clouds as our pillows,
The stars as our nightlights,

The moon as our reminder,
Of light and dark.
Good and evil.
Right and wrong.
North and South.
Love and hate.
War and peace.
While we dream together of the new and happy day that lies out before us.

When the sunrise reaches our sleep filled eyes, to awaken us sleeping beauties to a New Reality.
A New York. A New World Order.
Parting the seas of evolution.

Where we forgive our collective sins.
Where we fly high.
Where love truly does conquer all.
Where we are free.

Free people.

Open the floodgates and let us in.  Hear us knocking. 
We are ready.
Come on you Target, for Faraway Laughter,
Come on you Stranger, you Legend, you Martyr, and Shine!

Well you wore out your welcome,
with random precision, rode on the steel breeze,
Come on you Raver, you Seer of Visions,
Come on you Painter, you Piper, you Prisoner, and Shine!

And We'll Bask In The Shadow Of Yesterday's Triumph,
And Sail On The Steel Breeze.
Come On You Boy Child, You Winner And Loser,
Come On You Miner For Truth And Delusion, And Shine!

So, that's all I have to say about that.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

RIP iPad 3. Never Forget.

Apparently someone thought it appropriate to create a makeshift grave
for the iPad 3 here in the east village.  So please join me in offering condolences to Apple for it's loss.
Although, kinda doubt anyone at Apple really cares all that much.  Having a
banner year.  Steve Jobs is smiling down from above.
iPad 3 has now joined him in heaven.  May he rest in peace.
iPad 3.  Never Forget. 
Patriotism, back in season.  Pass it on.

Back In Season: Wearing Diamonds on the Soles of Our Shoes.

 Just like the gods and goddesses of Rock Center, pictured here.  Soon we will too.  The time has come, megamillions.  Victory will be mine.  Success currently so close I can smell it.
This guy's definitely got diamonds on the soles
of his shoes.  Soon we will too.  Right, Megamillions?
Time's almost up.  But on my side, nevertheless.

Gods.  Goddesses.  In the shadows.  Keeping time.
On my side.

Gods.  In the light.  We meet again. 
Giving me the time of day.  Still on my side.

Gods.  Making time.
They agree to agree.  Shake on it.Are on my side.

Another day, another goddess.  Having a fine time.
Apparently on my side.  Megamillions is getting close
to capitulation.  I can feel it.
Just some goddess, flying around town.  And why not?
Has the time.  To be on my side, that is. 
Megamillions is probably on the verge of wringing my neck by now.
All part of the plan.  The art of persuasion, mastered. 
Don't worry, Megamillions.  This will all soon be but a fond memory, that we can all look back on and laugh.  While we stroll about town, wearing diamonds on the soles of our shoes.  Post purchasing world peace, of course. 

Uh, I've got a few ideas.  Megamillions, in fact.
Visualizing success.  Flying kites.  Wearing diamonds.
Megamillions style...back in season.  Post modern world peace.

The Most Amazing CROCS Rant Ever. Fashion Tips for Women. Customers Who Bought CROCS Also Bought...

CROCS.  They Look Like Sh@t and Make Your Feet Smell.
Bringing back an oldie but goodie for your Friday.  If you haven't read this guy's rant on CROCS, do yourself a favor and click on the link below.  Fashion Tips for Women From a Guy Who Knows Dick About Fashion.  You'll be glad you did.  Favorite line: "People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam. Great point, dipsh@ts! You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid."

This is hands down, the best rant I've ever read.  So, get with the program and toss out your CROCS for the now trending hoodie phenomenon that's taken the nation by storm.  This guy is:

Cats. #hoodiesruscontinues.  God give me strength.

Help Me, Help You, Megamillions. Show Me the Money.

Sunsets = good luck.

Okay, Megamillions.  Time is running out.  My ship is about to come in.  So why don't you just help me, help you and Show Me the Money, Honey?  You know you want to...give in to temptation and just do it.  I dare you.  I double dog dare you. 

There, that should do it.  However, if additional persuasion is required, check out the following clip from Jerry MeGuire and help me, help you.  Then show me the money.

Cherry blossoms = more good luck.

My Precious.

My Precious.
Continuing down the road to mega-insanity, one day at a time.  Baby steps to winning the Megamillions.  New definition of making it = winning Megamillions.  One small step for Megamillions, one giant leap for me. 

Nope, not gonna stop beating this dead horse until you are mine, all mine, Megamillions.  You can't stop me, you can only hope to contain me.  So look out.  Cause I've got my eyes on you.  So does this guy.

Here's lookin' at you, kid.

Dream a Little Dream of Me. Stars Shining Bright Above Me.

Tonight's the night we've all been waiting for. 
Got that megamillions?  You on board yet?
PS.  Megamillions, did you like the chicken?  May have been slightly overdone,
but Mexican ancho chili seasoning made up for it.  Next time,
promise to make sacrificial lamb instead.  Know it's your favorite.
Status update: Making the magic happen. Right here. Right now.

Nope, we haven't beat this dead horse enough, megamillions.  I'm not leaving you alone until you show me the money tomorrow.

Because, tonight's the night we make it all happen.  By the pale moonlight. 

I see a red moon a risin'...

Or possibly blue moon.  Depending on your point of view.  See below...

Blue saw me standin' alone.  Without a dream
in my heart...oh wait, I do have a dream.  Of megamillions.
Goodnight, moon.  Goodnight, stars.  See you on the flip side.
Stars shining bright above me.  Moma Cass style.

Dream a little dream of: Megamillions

Thursday, March 29, 2012

What's on the Menu Tonight? Sacrificial Chickens.

For tonight's menu, we have crazy with a side of crazy.  For dessert, a wintery mix of insanity.  Because nobody keeps crazy in a corner when $540 megamillion is on the line. 
Megamillions calling.  Pick up the phone.
In keeping with the current lottery frenzy now sweeping the nation, I have now devised a shamanic ceremony capable of bringing about the luck and good fortune necessary for winning tommorrow's megamillions, and believe that an appropriate sacrifice to the megamillions gods is probably: sacrificial chickens.  Followed by sacrificial smores for dessert.  For an appetizer, possibly some dancing in circles and chanting while holding my growing collection of lottery tickets in hand.  Sound tempting?  Care to join me in this festival of prosperity I'm about to kick off right?  Hit me up.  The more the merrier!  If not, all I have to say is: Cheers and good luck to ya!  And may the best man, woman, or chicken win.

Joining the upper rust soon.

Ok, well, I'm off to purchase said sacrificial chickens, already dead of course.  Along with some broccoli, garlic, lemon, ginger, dry white wine, toilette paper, ugh.  So much work to not do, and so little time to not do it in....sigh.  When I win the lottery, will have people for this.  Feeding me grapes...fanning with palm fronds...but I digress.

Shake your money maker right here.  Megamillions will be mine.


Dolphins Rape People. Your Daily Dose of Writing on the Wall.

Dolphins Rape People.  At least according to this writing on the wall.  News to me, and not quite sure how that would work, anatomically speaking, but hey.  Maybe they know something I don't.  Welcome to your daily dose of writing on the wall.  Read it.  And weep.  Or laugh.  Whichever is fine with me.
  Heart-shaped ass?  Sure.  Why not.

  Skull candy.  Skulls see and love too.  On the side of vans.
Which brings me to the last but in no way least piece of writing on the wall er van:

So this is happening apparently: Larry Flint's Hustler Club.  Live and in color.  Coming to you from This Van in midtown:

Slightly over the top?  Potentially.