Sunday, November 18, 2012

Captains Log. Day 4 in the Outback. 0 11 hundred hours. Opals are Awesome, Ayer's Rock ROCKS, Ants Remain Assholes and Sprained ankles are a bitch.

Captains Log. Day 4 in the Outback. 0 11 hundred hours. Opals are Awesome, Ayer's Rock ROCKS, Ants Remain Assholes and Sprained ankles are a bitch.

After a successful invasion of Coober Pedy and its opal mines, we emerge enlightened on the process of extracting opals from the earth, preparing them for sale and finally, a few hundred dollars poorer with the inevitable purchase of said opals. When in Rome..However, let the record show that yours truly effectively haggled the price down from exorbitant to somewhat palatable. Unfortunately, I was NOT so successful in trying my hand at noodling for opals in the hills and managed to effectively sprain an ankle in the process. Which is a bitch in the outback given the sweltering heat and distinct lack of bodegas with ice, bandages, ibuprofen and anything else that could prove useful in such a situation. Taxis? Nowhere to be seen :) A real bitch for sure. Score one more for the outback. Manhattan still at 0.

However, in happier news Ayer's Rock (AKA: Ularu) has lived up to all the hype. It's massive facade can be seen for miles protruding out of the desert like an alien spaceship...which may or may not be too far from the truth, given that apparently it's a sacred place for the Aborigines who believe that our celestial creators created it to teach us how to live in harmony with the land and the interesting theory for sure. I, for one, can see where they're coming from. It's easy to imagine aliens (or celestial beings) descending to earth, carving up this massive structure (that apparently plunges 5 kilometers below the surface of the earth BTW), and leaving the local Aborigines with some words of wisdom before zipping back to space. (Such as, "love mother earth, respect father sky, and kill whitey", perhaps?? Just a stab in the dark here...) Who really knows for sure, but I tend to prefer this explanation to the scientific: two faluvial fans colliding over millions of years. Celestial creators has a certain ring to it. A certain je ne say quoi...

In other news, ants are STILL assholes, as yours truly donned an Australian swag and slept among the biting swarms the last two nights. Their numbers remain strong, and no amount of swatting, stamping, kicking or cursing have proven to deter their race to bite the shit outta anyone who happens to cross their path. Outback: 3. Manhattan still 0. However, the Germans have decided to launch countermeasures of their own, in a series of complex maneuvers, they have collaborated to sing "Gangham Style" in such an accent that would confuse and bewilder even the most traveled tourist, while dousing themselves in sauerkraut and bratwurst. Time will tell if their mission will be successful, but in the meantime, the English and Americans are prepared for Plan B: giving up completely and booking a swank hotel in the desert. Will be sure to report more once further developments emerge.

Captain signing off. Over and out. More updates to follow.

Sent from my iPad

No comments:

Post a Comment