Know Anyone Who's Been Injured on a Bike? A Stationary Bike, That Is...

Reflections.  On stationary bike injuries.  Fashion Emergency.

No???  Well I do....Just spoke with someone who was injured on their stationary bike this morning.  During dismount, large scrape on inner thigh.  Tore his Lululemons.  Don't worry though, the Fambulance (fashion ambulance) was rushed to the scene.  All good in the hood now.  Pride may still be damaged.  Nothing to be done about that.


Stationary bike injury: Might this have been involved (pictured above)?
Send the fambulance....



Today's Catch: Wicked Tuna.



Wicked Tuna.  Catch it.



Dolphins.  Still Raping People.  Catch them before they catch you.



Sharks.  Still eating people.  Catch the rainbow, of fruit flavor.




Grouper?  Catch a wave and you're sitting on
top of the world...

 

Some or other kind of fish.  Rock Center.  Rock fish?
Delicious.




Do Happy Meals Count as Fancy Dinners?

If so, fancy dinners all around, on me.  

McDonald's Time Square

Happiness, in a meal.  Toys included.  Batteries not. 

McDonald's, East Village.  This one delivers.  Does yours?

Happy meals + endorphins - batteries (not included) = happiness



Spring Awakening 2012: We All Live in a Yellow Submarine

  We all live in a yellow submarine...

  Yellow submarine....

 

  Yellow submarine...

And Here's to You Mrs. Robinson, Jesus Loves You More Than You Will Know...

(Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids

Dear Europe,

I know we started the whole debt crisis game back in 2008, but seriously, we don't want to play anymore.  We thought you'd take the hint by giving you the cold shoulder for the last 6 months, but you're just not getting it.  You're forcing me to put it bluntly, so apologies in advance.  But, please stop the endless round robin of debt crises that keep assaulting stock and bond markets around the globe.  You keep showing up, like a bad penny, and we're going to tell Mom if you keep doing it.  Like, it was fun at first, like when we thought the world was coming to a screeching halt as capital dried up around the globe (good times were had by all, for sure!) but now it's seriously played out.  Sooooo last year, and we're over it. 

Your countries are vying for the limelight, we get it.  First Greece, then Ireland, Portugal, now Spain and Italy.  What started as a fun game of who's going to be next to put the global capital markets on hold while the ECB debates it's 25th round of bailouts? is for real, getting old.  We're tired of this game and
want a new one.  Since we started this game four years ago, we get to end it too.  Starting now.  Thumb wrestle instead?  I'll start, one, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war....

Sincerely,

Your BFF, United States of America  xoxo

OWS Goes Off the Reservation May 1st (Update 3) Therapy Intervention Required, Perhaps?







5/1/12: Murder the rich.  Good idea?
Bad idea?  Take time to weigh your options. 
Talk over with therapist perhaps?

  

Is it just me, or is anyone else having a hard time picturing the peaceful protesters of Union Square actually going ballistic on May 1st, donning machine guns and mowing down anyone who steps out of Cartier with purchase in hand?  ...Scarface style? 

Perhaps a little therapy is the order of the day?  Talk things out a little?  Weigh your options?  Brainstorm on alternative solutions?  Obtain a pre-murderous rampage outside opinion, perhaps?  List pros and cons of current murder plan and potential repercussions?  Just some things to mull over pre killing spree...

Un-Birthdays = Dinners to the 12th Power * Martinis Cubed - Brain Cells Squared - Sleep Ever Again

As the "Birthday Celebration That Never Sleeps" moves into it's second week of existence, thought it might be appropriate to wish everyone else out there a Very Merry Un-Birthday too.  You are welcome to join in the celebration that may-or-may-not-end-anytime-this-month.  But only if you like steak and don't care for sleep...


Un-Birthdays = (Dinners to the 12th power * martinis cubed) - (brain cells squared - sleep ever again) 

So throw your own Un-Birthday party that never sleeps and join in the fun.  Cheers!  See clip below for ideas.

Over the Line! You Mark it 8 You Are Entering Into a World of Pain.

...A world of pain!  With the Occupy Wall Street folks crying for blood on the streets of anyone who's even considering the purchase of a BMW, I am reminded of other absurd overreactions.   Such as Walter's freak out moment during bowling league in the Big Lebowski.  "Smokey this is not Nam, this is bowling, there are rules." 

So, before you go out roaming the streets on a manhunt for anyone in an Armani suit to take out in cold blood, why not really get in the mood for over-the-top-reactions-to-everyday-problems by taking a cue from Walter here. 

Because, nobody puts crazy in a corner...

Or how about this one??  Even More Inspiration for overreaction in the following clip.  "This is what happens, Larry..." 

Operating Under the Assumption that OWS Means "Murder the Rich" in a Figurative Sense



Going with assumption that when you say "murder", you mean murder figuratively, not murder, literally. 
Don't like someone?  Only clear solution = murder?  Illegal in this country?  Last I checked....
Extreme solution of the day, murder, compliments of OWS.

Pretty sure someone (OWS) may need to take it down a notch (or 500) pop a few Xanax (or 500) and take a hard right turn, immediate detour to the Reason Outpost.  Go directly to the Reason Outpost.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.  And for the love of God, Don't Murder Anyone.

You'll simply LOVE it here in the land of reason.  Sunny and 75 degrees, slight breeze, warm clear blue ocean, white, sandy beaches.  Free drinks, on me.  Join us, we are feelin' fine...

Reason.  The place to be.  Thing to do.  Hottest trend.
#reasonabledecisions.  Not murder.  Totally out.  Last year's model.
Hip to be reasonable.  Reason, it's what's for dinner.

  

Join us here, my occupying friends, before you embark on your murdering rampage, either literally or figuratively.  You'll feel so much better after your visit, just like new, right as rain, total rejuvenation, guaranteed, or your money back. 


A little Bob Marley should help diffuse the situation...Don't worry about a thing, OWS, every little thing, is gonna be alright...