Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Captain's Log. Day 20 at Sea. 02 hundred hours. Murder on the High Seas Compliments of Internet Cafe Manager

Captain's Log. Day 20 at Sea. 02 hundred hours. Murder on the High Seas Compliments of Internet Cafe Manager

After a successful occupation of American Samoa, crossing the international datelines and losing and entire day which happened to be Columbus Day, it has been determined that yours truly could NEVER manage the internet cafe on a cruise ship without going postal and murdering the next person to ask how to log into their gmail account. Our friendly internet cafe manager wholeheartedly agrees and MAY be forced to throw overboard the next geriatric who raises their voice over their inability to turn on their iPad. (aided by the entire kitchen and bar staff who simply can't wait to see someone walk the plank). YES, my dear friends, murder is on MANY a mind after 20 days at sea and the natives are baying for blood. Only time will tell which unsuspecting passenger will be targeted, but rumor has it that it may or may not involve the three couples who insist on donning matching Hawaiian shirts with reckless abandon, MUCH to the dismay of other passengers witnessing the unfolding tragedy of fashion faux pas. Murder on the high seas is a distinct possibility, folks, and we will continue to bring you the latest developments as the drama unfolds.

In other news the Asian Ping Pong Occupation has FINALLY disbanded to the shock and awe of crewmembers and passengers alike. Not knowing what to do with the now free tables, passengers are hoarding ping pong balls and stockpiling paddles, while lining up by the thousands for their turn to play. The buffet is eerily quiet as ping pong hopefuls now have something to do on the ship besides eat.

As we cruise into New Zealand, the weather has grown colder, which is good news for those who can still fit into their jeans (after eating everything in sight for 20 plus days). For others, the challenge of buttoning their once fitting jeans is simply to much to bear. Many folks have taken to simply not wearing any pants at all, which is quite disturbing to some onboard and exciting for others. Luckily, the shops onboard are having sales and new, larger clothes can be purchased for 50% off. As we collectively lament our rapidly expanding waist sizes, we can at least take solace in the fact that the ship is offering a discount on detox and weight loss programs. A HIGHLY appropriate time to introduce the idea of detox and weight loss, if you ask me (not that anyone did though...) On the bright side, we can now productively walk around in circles on the track on deck 7 while wearing golf jackets to hide the fact that we aren't wearing any pants.

Captain signing off. Over and out for now. More updates to follow.

Sent from my iPad

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