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Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Captains Log. Day 4 in the Outback. 0 11 hundred hours. Opals are Awesome, Ayer's Rock ROCKS, Ants Remain Assholes and Sprained ankles are a bitch.
Captains Log. Day 4 in the Outback. 0 11 hundred hours. Opals are Awesome, Ayer's Rock ROCKS, Ants Remain Assholes and Sprained ankles are a bitch.
After a successful invasion of Coober Pedy and its opal mines, we emerge enlightened on the process of extracting opals from the earth, preparing them for sale and finally, a few hundred dollars poorer with the inevitable purchase of said opals. When in Rome..However, let the record show that yours truly effectively haggled the price down from exorbitant to somewhat palatable. Unfortunately, I was NOT so successful in trying my hand at noodling for opals in the hills and managed to effectively sprain an ankle in the process. Which is a bitch in the outback given the sweltering heat and distinct lack of bodegas with ice, bandages, ibuprofen and anything else that could prove useful in such a situation. Taxis? Nowhere to be seen :) A real bitch for sure. Score one more for the outback. Manhattan still at 0.
However, in happier news Ayer's Rock (AKA: Ularu) has lived up to all the hype. It's massive facade can be seen for miles protruding out of the desert like an alien spaceship...which may or may not be too far from the truth, given that apparently it's a sacred place for the Aborigines who believe that our celestial creators created it to teach us how to live in harmony with the land and the earth...an interesting theory for sure. I, for one, can see where they're coming from. It's easy to imagine aliens (or celestial beings) descending to earth, carving up this massive structure (that apparently plunges 5 kilometers below the surface of the earth BTW), and leaving the local Aborigines with some words of wisdom before zipping back to space. (Such as, "love mother earth, respect father sky, and kill whitey", perhaps?? Just a stab in the dark here...) Who really knows for sure, but I tend to prefer this explanation to the scientific: two faluvial fans colliding over millions of years. Celestial creators has a certain ring to it. A certain je ne say quoi...
In other news, ants are STILL assholes, as yours truly donned an Australian swag and slept among the biting swarms the last two nights. Their numbers remain strong, and no amount of swatting, stamping, kicking or cursing have proven to deter their race to bite the shit outta anyone who happens to cross their path. Outback: 3. Manhattan still 0. However, the Germans have decided to launch countermeasures of their own, in a series of complex maneuvers, they have collaborated to sing "Gangham Style" in such an accent that would confuse and bewilder even the most traveled tourist, while dousing themselves in sauerkraut and bratwurst. Time will tell if their mission will be successful, but in the meantime, the English and Americans are prepared for Plan B: giving up completely and booking a swank hotel in the desert. Will be sure to report more once further developments emerge.
Captain signing off. Over and out. More updates to follow.
Sent from my iPad
After a successful invasion of Coober Pedy and its opal mines, we emerge enlightened on the process of extracting opals from the earth, preparing them for sale and finally, a few hundred dollars poorer with the inevitable purchase of said opals. When in Rome..However, let the record show that yours truly effectively haggled the price down from exorbitant to somewhat palatable. Unfortunately, I was NOT so successful in trying my hand at noodling for opals in the hills and managed to effectively sprain an ankle in the process. Which is a bitch in the outback given the sweltering heat and distinct lack of bodegas with ice, bandages, ibuprofen and anything else that could prove useful in such a situation. Taxis? Nowhere to be seen :) A real bitch for sure. Score one more for the outback. Manhattan still at 0.
However, in happier news Ayer's Rock (AKA: Ularu) has lived up to all the hype. It's massive facade can be seen for miles protruding out of the desert like an alien spaceship...which may or may not be too far from the truth, given that apparently it's a sacred place for the Aborigines who believe that our celestial creators created it to teach us how to live in harmony with the land and the earth...an interesting theory for sure. I, for one, can see where they're coming from. It's easy to imagine aliens (or celestial beings) descending to earth, carving up this massive structure (that apparently plunges 5 kilometers below the surface of the earth BTW), and leaving the local Aborigines with some words of wisdom before zipping back to space. (Such as, "love mother earth, respect father sky, and kill whitey", perhaps?? Just a stab in the dark here...) Who really knows for sure, but I tend to prefer this explanation to the scientific: two faluvial fans colliding over millions of years. Celestial creators has a certain ring to it. A certain je ne say quoi...
In other news, ants are STILL assholes, as yours truly donned an Australian swag and slept among the biting swarms the last two nights. Their numbers remain strong, and no amount of swatting, stamping, kicking or cursing have proven to deter their race to bite the shit outta anyone who happens to cross their path. Outback: 3. Manhattan still 0. However, the Germans have decided to launch countermeasures of their own, in a series of complex maneuvers, they have collaborated to sing "Gangham Style" in such an accent that would confuse and bewilder even the most traveled tourist, while dousing themselves in sauerkraut and bratwurst. Time will tell if their mission will be successful, but in the meantime, the English and Americans are prepared for Plan B: giving up completely and booking a swank hotel in the desert. Will be sure to report more once further developments emerge.
Captain signing off. Over and out. More updates to follow.
Sent from my iPad
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Now THAT'S a Rock
 |
| Ayer's Rock, that is. Largest single rock in the world. In the middle of the Outback. PRETTY outstanding at sunset...and at sunrise...and the middle of the day...prolly at night too, though I wouldn't know... |
Salt Lake in the Outback
Apparently there was an ocean here at one point...which apparently dried up. 
Who knew??
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Captain's Log. Day 1 in the Outback. 09:00 hours. Ants are Assholes and the Devil's in the Dust
Captain's Log. Day 1 in the Outback. 09:00 hours. Ants are Assholes and the Devil's in the Dust
This just in: Ants are assholes. Ants in the Outback, that is. Their relentless attempts at swarming one's shoes and ankle biting are tiring and pretentious. Score 1: Outback. Manhattan: 0. However, in other news not even ONE of us in the Groovy Grape magical mystery bus tour was bitten by a snake, spider, scorpion or mowed down by an angry mob of kangaroos. Therefore, day 1 in the Outback is going down in the history books as a resounding success. With any luck, our success will continue throughout our trek. Additionally, with the exception of contending with swarms of ants (AKA: assholes) our 10K hike through the Flinders Ranges was fantastic. Views of the desert and surrounding mountains were unparalleled, and not even the blister on my right foot, a happy memory from the 6 inch heels donned at the Melbourne Cup, could put a damper on the experience.
Oh and what BETTER welcome to the outback than a dust devil nearly blowing us over upon embarking on our trek? Don't know what a dust devil is?? You're not alone. After our tour guide clarified that what we had experienced was not, in fact, the spirit of some long deceased aborigines tribe come to warn us off their territory, we were enlightened to the true nature of this mildly disturbing phenomenon. In reality, they are miniature tornadoes formed by the collision of cool and hot air that come out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. So that just happened. Check. Cross dust devil off the list.
Sleeping under the stars in a swag (an Australian invention resembling a sleeping bag made from canvas, containing a mattress) was an intriguingly new and interesting experience. With the exception of a local cat scaring the living shit out of everyone by howling like a bat out of hell, the sleeping arrangement was surprisingly enjoyable. The sky was white with stars, with shooting stars rocketing across the horizon with reckless abandon. An added bonus: we awoke with a distinct LACK of spiders, snakes and/or other deadly critters which Australia is so fondly known for in our sleeping bags. Living to see another day = Winning!
As our magical mystery tour careens towards Coober Pedy, the Opal mining capital of the world, we look forward to a true "wild Wild West" experience, including an overnight stay in dugouts underground...which are apparently necessary to shield from the extreme climate of the place. In the meantime, in preparation of our invasion of this "ramshackle" outback outpost, we continue to fine tune our cowboy impressions in order to blend in with the locals. For example "This town ain't big enough for the both of us" in an appropriately twangy drawl is close to being perfected. Will the locals appreciate our efforts? Only time will tell. But the many Germans in our little group are ready to give it a go. "Veez taawn eent beeg enouv faw zee boff of uz" is SURE to go over well.
Captain signing off. Over and out for now. More updates to follow (unless we have grossly miscalculated the welcoming nature of Cooper pedians and are gunned down by angry locals who happens to mistake our lame cowboy impression for an actual challenge to a duel...)
Sent from my iPad
This just in: Ants are assholes. Ants in the Outback, that is. Their relentless attempts at swarming one's shoes and ankle biting are tiring and pretentious. Score 1: Outback. Manhattan: 0. However, in other news not even ONE of us in the Groovy Grape magical mystery bus tour was bitten by a snake, spider, scorpion or mowed down by an angry mob of kangaroos. Therefore, day 1 in the Outback is going down in the history books as a resounding success. With any luck, our success will continue throughout our trek. Additionally, with the exception of contending with swarms of ants (AKA: assholes) our 10K hike through the Flinders Ranges was fantastic. Views of the desert and surrounding mountains were unparalleled, and not even the blister on my right foot, a happy memory from the 6 inch heels donned at the Melbourne Cup, could put a damper on the experience.
Oh and what BETTER welcome to the outback than a dust devil nearly blowing us over upon embarking on our trek? Don't know what a dust devil is?? You're not alone. After our tour guide clarified that what we had experienced was not, in fact, the spirit of some long deceased aborigines tribe come to warn us off their territory, we were enlightened to the true nature of this mildly disturbing phenomenon. In reality, they are miniature tornadoes formed by the collision of cool and hot air that come out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. So that just happened. Check. Cross dust devil off the list.
Sleeping under the stars in a swag (an Australian invention resembling a sleeping bag made from canvas, containing a mattress) was an intriguingly new and interesting experience. With the exception of a local cat scaring the living shit out of everyone by howling like a bat out of hell, the sleeping arrangement was surprisingly enjoyable. The sky was white with stars, with shooting stars rocketing across the horizon with reckless abandon. An added bonus: we awoke with a distinct LACK of spiders, snakes and/or other deadly critters which Australia is so fondly known for in our sleeping bags. Living to see another day = Winning!
As our magical mystery tour careens towards Coober Pedy, the Opal mining capital of the world, we look forward to a true "wild Wild West" experience, including an overnight stay in dugouts underground...which are apparently necessary to shield from the extreme climate of the place. In the meantime, in preparation of our invasion of this "ramshackle" outback outpost, we continue to fine tune our cowboy impressions in order to blend in with the locals. For example "This town ain't big enough for the both of us" in an appropriately twangy drawl is close to being perfected. Will the locals appreciate our efforts? Only time will tell. But the many Germans in our little group are ready to give it a go. "Veez taawn eent beeg enouv faw zee boff of uz" is SURE to go over well.
Captain signing off. Over and out for now. More updates to follow (unless we have grossly miscalculated the welcoming nature of Cooper pedians and are gunned down by angry locals who happens to mistake our lame cowboy impression for an actual challenge to a duel...)
Sent from my iPad
Monday, November 12, 2012
Captains log. T minus 1 till trek through the Outback. O4:00 hours. Its game-time. May the best man, or kangaroo win.
Captains log. T minus 1 till trek through the outback. O4:00 hours. Its game-time. May the best man, or kangaroo win.
After a successful 3 week invasion of Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide, we prepare to backpack through the outback. All on our lonesome (god help us). Should I not blog again, assume the worst: that I was taken out by an angry mob of kangaroos. And send help.
Until now, we have stuck to civilization. Wrapped in the comforting blanket of street lights and restaurants. The familiar scenes of pubs and clubs, night life and city sights. Friendly faces and well lit spaces...Until now....Dun dun!
Yes, my dear friends, tomorrow we venture out into the Australian outback...throwing caution to the wind! Living on the edge... To may or may not return. At least in the same state we left. Cause lemme tell ya...yours truly was never much of a camper (my definition of roughing it MAY be categorized as staying at a Holiday Inn with no working hair dryer) and only time will tell whether I finally lose it after 9 days of wilderness. With no porters in sight, no concierge to speak of, no Melbourne cup hats or dresses, no civilization for ages...only time will tell whether you see me on the evening news mistaking a cacti for a taxi in the middle of the desert in some lame attempt to hail it back to humanity... Or potentially asking a camel for my check please in the nicest possible manner before calling over the manager, wallaby in waiting, to complain of poor service. Or perhaps it will be a slightly less extreme epic fail in the wilderness. Such as merely attempting to board Ayers Rock as if it were an airplane and requesting an upgrade before takeoff.
Or MAYBE. Just MAYBE we will witness an epic success in turning over a new leaf in ruggedness! We can only hope the answer is YES. (hope springs eternal)
However, if my backpacking experience thus far is any indication of what the future may hold, I wouldn't hold my breath. Because my bed broke right through last night, my bag is larger than life and even with the mailing of clothes and feathered hats back to the USA, the bag remains neither manageable nor neccessary in the outback. At the very least, yours truly has perfected the pronunciation of "now THAT'S a KNIFE!" So we have that going for us...which is nice.
So cheers to our big outback adventure. And stay tuned for Manhattan meets outback. Who will prevail?? Only time will tell...but in the meantime, its time to get my gameface on...smear kangaroo blood as warpaint, throw a drop bear rug around myself as a cape, befriend a few dingos for protection and throw some shrimp on the barbie for good measure...and may the best man, or kangaroo, win. Over and out for now. More updates to follow (and again...if no updates follow for some number of weeks...send help at your earliest convenience).
After a successful 3 week invasion of Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide, we prepare to backpack through the outback. All on our lonesome (god help us). Should I not blog again, assume the worst: that I was taken out by an angry mob of kangaroos. And send help.
Until now, we have stuck to civilization. Wrapped in the comforting blanket of street lights and restaurants. The familiar scenes of pubs and clubs, night life and city sights. Friendly faces and well lit spaces...Until now....Dun dun!
Yes, my dear friends, tomorrow we venture out into the Australian outback...throwing caution to the wind! Living on the edge... To may or may not return. At least in the same state we left. Cause lemme tell ya...yours truly was never much of a camper (my definition of roughing it MAY be categorized as staying at a Holiday Inn with no working hair dryer) and only time will tell whether I finally lose it after 9 days of wilderness. With no porters in sight, no concierge to speak of, no Melbourne cup hats or dresses, no civilization for ages...only time will tell whether you see me on the evening news mistaking a cacti for a taxi in the middle of the desert in some lame attempt to hail it back to humanity... Or potentially asking a camel for my check please in the nicest possible manner before calling over the manager, wallaby in waiting, to complain of poor service. Or perhaps it will be a slightly less extreme epic fail in the wilderness. Such as merely attempting to board Ayers Rock as if it were an airplane and requesting an upgrade before takeoff.
Or MAYBE. Just MAYBE we will witness an epic success in turning over a new leaf in ruggedness! We can only hope the answer is YES. (hope springs eternal)
However, if my backpacking experience thus far is any indication of what the future may hold, I wouldn't hold my breath. Because my bed broke right through last night, my bag is larger than life and even with the mailing of clothes and feathered hats back to the USA, the bag remains neither manageable nor neccessary in the outback. At the very least, yours truly has perfected the pronunciation of "now THAT'S a KNIFE!" So we have that going for us...which is nice.
So cheers to our big outback adventure. And stay tuned for Manhattan meets outback. Who will prevail?? Only time will tell...but in the meantime, its time to get my gameface on...smear kangaroo blood as warpaint, throw a drop bear rug around myself as a cape, befriend a few dingos for protection and throw some shrimp on the barbie for good measure...and may the best man, or kangaroo, win. Over and out for now. More updates to follow (and again...if no updates follow for some number of weeks...send help at your earliest convenience).
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