Dear Steve Jobs, Your Lordeth's Flight is Delayed

Your Lordeth’s flight back to heaven, er Steve Jobs empire in the sky, is delayed.  We are stuck on the stupid tarmac for HOURS and your lordeth is in mo fo COACH.  Steve, what the SHIT?  Your lordeth asked that you send the private jet (REMEMBER: our chariot driven by angels? HELLO?).  Did you forget???  Steve, your lordeth DOES NOT TRAVEL COACH you got that?  Cause I’m the lord and savior.  I SAVED YOU and the LEAST you could DO is book me in FIRST CLASS if you’re gonna forget send the goddam, er ME –Damn private jet.  Thou hath forsaken your lordeth and He is NONE TOO PLEASED.

Your lordeth does NOT LIKE being cramped in the middle seat next to two loud mouths one of which is eating BBQ ribs and stinking up the place, the other is snoring LOUDLY in my EAR.  In addition, Steve, you have displeased your lordeth greatly by booking him through Newark.  IT IS ALWAYS DELAYED and New Jersey SMELLS, Goddamit, er MEdammit.  Your lordeth avoids New Jersey like the plague, not to mention your toenails that are UNAVOIDABLE because YOU REFUSE TO CUT them, just to TAUNT me. I swear to God, er ME, the next time you scratch me with your too mo fo long toenails, I’m going ballistic, Steve.  You hog the bed, steal my pillows and scratch your lordeth ONE MORE TIME and He has HAD IT. 

Eternal damnation sound fun to you, does it?  Don’t TAUNT me Bro.

Your travel booking skills have left MUCH to be desired, Steve.  And as much as your Lordeth’s new iPad4 keeps him company on long flights back to heaven, er Steve Job’s empire in the sky, I’D BE THERE ALREADY if you woulda booked the private JET.

Your lordeth is signing off now to update His Facebook status to “DELAYED because of Steve Jobs”. 

Oh, and Steve, another warning for ya.  You MUST accept my Facebook friend request already, goddammit, er ME DAMMIT.  It’s been five weeks and I KNOW you are ignoring my request ON PURPOSE (I’m omniscient dumbass I know EVERYTHING).  Don’t TEASE me Bro.  You MUST accept my facebook friend request because I AM YOUR LORD AND CREATOR.  And YOU MUST like my status updates (except for THIS ONE BECAUSE IT SUCKS).  Steve, you like my delayed status and I swear to God, er ME, I will send you directly to hell.  Cause I’m the Lord, and I CAN.

Steve, as your lord and creator, I COMMAND you to assist Mark Zuckerberg in creating a DISLIKE button on Facebook.  SO THE WORLD (and YOU) can DISLIKE my current delayed as shit status that is YOUR fault.  I know, I know, Mark has come into billions with the recent IPO and he MAY be a little busy spending some of it.  But what I say GOES, because I’m YOUR and HIS CREATOR.  And if I knew one thing about computer code I’d CREATE a dislike button.  But I don’t.  So go forth, Steve Jobs and do what you do best.  Just DON’T BOOK MY TRAVEL EVERY AGAIN cause you SUCK at THAT.  And while you’re at it, cut your goddam, shit ME-DAMN toenails.  Dislike THIS?  Hint: YOU WILL.

Sincerely,

Your Extremely Annoyed Lord and Creator Stuck in COACH who’s gonna release his wrath on Steve Jobs if he EVER makes it back to heaven