Sunday, June 10, 2012

A Simple Request: Occupy Your Inner Rebel. And Let the REAL Slim Shady Shine Through for All the World To See

A Simple Request: Occupy Your Inner Rebel: And Break The Rules in Style.

Cause everyone ELSE in Manhattan does.  May as well join in the fun.  And face the facts that we suck at following instructions.  Time to Occupy the REAL Slim Shady lurking in each and every one of us and let him shine.  Cause “Dr Dre said…NOTHING, you idiots, Dr. Dre’s dead, he’s locked in my basement.” M&M agrees.


Welcome to your weekly update on the Occupy My Blog Movement on the move.  Moving on to bigger and better things.  Going pro, bro. (brochacho).  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my fellow occupiers for occupying my blog so nicely (all 9,000 of youz, and counting).  Together, we are changing the environmental, physical, spiritual, emotional, and satirical landscape as we know it.  And for that, we should be proud.  Please stand up, take a bow, and congratulate yourselves for occupying the myriad of occupying options available to us (my blog) with such fervor.

However, amidst much cause for celebration (at my BLOG party people THIS FRIDAY woo), I DO have one more simple request to bring us to the next iteration of this occupy movement on a mission: to Occupy Your Inner Rebel (without a cause, or clue?) cause, fo real, EVERYONE else is doing it.  May as well break the rules too and not feel left out.  Cause I don’t know about your town, but here in New York City, we break the rules like champs.  Every day.  Like it’s the hottest trend to hit the runway (hint: it IS). 

Ha!  Throw a no smoking sign up?  Guess who’s smoking there?  Every smoker who happens to walk through the area (and even non-smokers who just feel like sticking it to the man).  Sign says don’t chain your bike here?  Guess HOW many bikes are chained there?  Too many to count, my friends, too many to count... 

  Need I say MORE?  Lmao

Yep, our new motto is “Rules are made to be broken.” Cause, they ARE.  If YOU’RE not gonna break the rules, then the guy next to you is.   And you’re gonna be shit outta luck when you storm manhattan in search of an area in which smoking is actually allowed (indoors or out) only to realize that this place DOES NOT EXIST.  Oh, and is marijuana actually even ILLEGAL anymore round here?  Cause if I had a dime for every mo fo I see on the street puffing away with reckless abandon I’d be RICH (working on rich.  New Facebook status soon…just saying).  Don’t think our neckaces with spikes and skulls are appropriate for a professional environment?  THINK AGAIN.  Cause we get MORE compliments from those IN our profession than out.  So it’s time for this:

Dear Compliance Department,

We are out of compliance and loving it.  And so is everyone else.  Like us now?  Not so much?  Fine by us.  Cause we are rebels.  Without a care….not wearing underwear? (Quite possibly…tho you’ll never know).

With Love,

Rebels WITH a cause* XOXO

* To piss you off

You LIKE this (fo real, not just on Facebook)
Yep, my fellow occupiers, the time has come to break the rules to get ahead.  Cause those in compliance finish last (as everyone ELSE is creatively breaking the rules and blowing past your ass).  Time to kick it up and notch and kick our way to the top.  In style…just don’t get CAUGHT (stealing…like Jane’s Addiction)

Or you’re going to jail.  And remember, jail time fucks up UNITE time. My friends, NO ONE wants to occupy a jail cell and be back on the chain gang. 

Don’t have any ideas for your own rebellion occupation?  How ‘bout trying THIS one out for size:  You now have turrets syndrome that you cannot spell (ie. You REFUSE to spell correctly just to be a matter HOW many people spell it correctly for you).  How’s THAT for rebellion without a cause?  REBEL.  AGAINST SPELLING.  And curse up a storm.  CAUSE IT’S A REAL DISORDER AND YOU CAN’T MAKE FUN OF US.  It’s politically incorrect, and NOT NICE.  Got it?  So repeat after me: “shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck damn.”  You LIKED it (for real, not just on Facebook).

So Occupy it up, Buttercup!  And see YOUZ at the BLOG Party that Never Sleeps on the Roof with No Name this Friday.  But beforehand, let’s all join hands and pray we don’t get arrested for various noise violations, indecent exposure, or any other number of shenanigans that MAY or may not go down on said roof in T minus 6 days.

And we will KNOW there is in fact a GOD, if Mick Jagger and Keith Richards show (fingers crossed).  Mick! Keith!  Please join us this Friday on my roof.  Pretty please with a cherry on top???  We will be pleased to meet youz!  There.  That should do it.  Done and done.  In the meantime, get ready to paint the town RED (the new black) with this:

Happy Occupying!  Over and out for now.  More updates to follow.  

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