Dear Steve Jobs, A Little Maintenance Goes A LONG Way...Toward Eternal Redemption.

Dear Steve Jobs,

While your Lordeth is STILL very pleased with his relatively new iPad and the stunning retinal display, as well as the obliteration of useless spelling and grammar skills the world hath now forgotten with your advent of autocorrect, He is EXREMELY displeased at your REFUSAL to accept His friend requests on Facebook.  Steve, your lack of acceptance is trying your lordeth's patience for the LOVE of god, er ME. STEVE! What the shit! It's been mo fo MONTHS now and you continue to TAUNT your lordeth by not accepting his friend requests.
 
Don't TAUNT me, BRO. Your Lordeth hath spent an extended stay at the Jersey Shore and is NOT afraid to use the word BRO. So guess what Steve? It's time for this: "don't BRO your Lordeth till you knoweth your Lordeth".  Like it?  (Hint: you MUST. As I'm your LORD and savior).  So SAVE THIS, Steve. 

Your Lordeth's new T-Shirt.  Like it?  (You must)

And for the love of christ, shit ME, cut your goddamn, shit, ME-damn toenails. Steve, I'm STILL losing my patience with your lack of maintenance. You hog the mo fo bed every goddam, er ME damn, night and you expect his holiness to be cool with you scratching the SHIT outta your lordeth's legs. A little maintenance goes a LONG way...toward eternal redemption.  GOT that, Steve?  Thou cutteth thou toenails or thou art cruising for a bruising.

Steve!  Look!  Nail clippers! Your Lordeth Says: USETH Them.

Oh and P the fuck S: Your Lordeth is now on Twitter. And YOU MUST follow me because I am your LORD. And creator. Got that Steve??? You will respect my authority and quit prancing around heaven, er Steve Job's empire in the sky, like you own the mo fo place. Cause guess what? You DON'T. Thou shalt retweet your lordeths posts or I will LAY MY VENGANCE UPON THEE. And you won't LIKE it.  But you WILL like my posts on Facebook. Not because you DO. But because you HAVE TO.

You LIKE this, Remember?  (You have to.)

PP MO FO S: Steve: your Lordeth is still a rapper. "Yo, you gotta problem? Yo I'll solve check out my mike while the DJ revolves it." LIKE it???? (even if it's plagiarized?) Hint: YOU MUST.

Sincerely,

Your extremely agitated Lordeth and Savior

PPSS. Don't judge me BRO. I'M THE ONE WHO GETS TO DO THE JUDGING ROUND HERE. REMEMBER??? On Judgement Day.  And Judgement Day cometh right soon, Steve. Oh and Steve? Your mo fo toenails better be cut by then...Just sayin'.

PPPSS: Steve, how'd ya like me NOW???  (Remember: you HAVE to)

Sent from my iPad